Inspired by Ephesians 2:4-10
Over the years, I was always the person who was striving for perfect in every aspect of my life. When I fell short of my impossibly high standards, whether it be in school, athletics, the words I said, or the actions I took, I would beat myself up over and over again and convince myself that I just wasn’t good enough.
In some ways this was a very positive thing. It provided a ton of motivation for me to always work hard and pursue the next level. It brought the best out of me at times. I accomplished many of my goals. It also brought out the worst in me, and at times I was my own worst enemy. There were times in my life when I would get so trapped into the line of thinking that I just wasn’t good enough with anything and I was a failure not only to myself but to others as well. I would pick apart every conversation I had, and I would try and figure out if I said anything wrong. I would look back at performances and spend hours picking out every single error I made. I would apologize time and time again for doing something wrong, just in case the person I apologized to didn’t forgive me yet. Sins of my past haunted me for days, weeks, months, and even years, and I would find myself cutting open those wounds time and time again. The pain never went away because the wounds were always fresh. Even when I would accomplish something, no matter how big or small, I could always pick it apart and find something wrong with it.
I wasn’t good enough, I tried harder, I would accomplish something, I would find something that did not go perfectly, I lacked satisfaction, and I would realize that I am still not good enough, and the cycle went on and on. There was always more to be done, and I could always do better.
When I thought about God, I was fearful. I wasn’t good enough for myself, so how on earth could I be good enough for the God of everything, who is holy and perfect? I would think about passing into eternity and I feared the day I would face God, because I thought He would be disappointed in all of my imperfections. It was not only an exhausting life, but it was a LIE.
But Jesus…
I grew up going to youth group and I first came to understand the gospel when I was on a missions trip to St. Louis, Michigan. I was sitting on the floor of a classroom in the school we were staying in. I felt that, despite hearing the gospel many times, my ears and eyes were finally able to comprehend the weight of the gospel at this time. My friend and my youth group leader (shoutout to Linette and Kirsten!) were able to share this incredible moment with me, one I will never forget, when I first understood who Jesus was and what He came here to do on earth. I first realized I was a sinner in need of a savior, and Christ’s death was orchestrated to bring salvation to His people. Christ died for me and I could spend eternity with my Father in heaven.
I was gifted with this incredible time, yet when returning to the “real world” I continued to struggle with being good enough. Not only did I continue to struggle, but my struggles were magnified when compared to before. A string of events when I was in college led me to rock bottom, a place where I realized I would never be good enough. I hit a point where I realized perfect was unattainable. No matter how hard I worked, I could always work harder. No matter how much I did, it could never be enough. In my mind, I was a disappointment to myself and everyone around me.
That is no way to live.
But Jesus…
Christ did not leave me there. From that moment on, Christ did a work in me. Transformation. Revival. Restoration. It didn’t happen overnight, but over days, weeks, months, years. God spoke loudly - through His word, through other people, through situations.
He showed me that all of the “not good enough’s” were true, because I could never attain perfection. Only our good and holy Father is perfect. The “not good enough’s” were lavished in the perfect grace of God, not by anything I had done, but because of what CHRIST did. His grace is abundant and God sent His only son, Jesus Christ, to this earth. He walked with us, taught us, and He was the only one who could live a perfect life that led Him directly to His own gruesome and violent death on the cross. He didn't deserve it, but He welcomed His mission with open arms because He knew exactly the weight of the mission He came here to fulfill. His mission proved successful - after three days, He was risen, and He declared permanent victory over death.
Tetelestai - “it is finished”.
The price was paid for my sins by someone who lived a completely holy and blameless life. Everything I deserved, He took upon Himself. Every last drop. My sins were wiped clean and the crimson stains on my heart and soul were made white as snow. Past, present, and future. All of it, gone. Ephesians 2:4-10 tells us that this is not only true for me, but it is true for all who put their faith in Him who saves. His rich mercy brought the breath of life into us, even when we were dead to our sin, even when we rejected Him, and even when we were the ones who nailed Him onto the cross.
What a God.
I spent my life thinking I wasn’t good enough, and I thought I would stand in front of God at the end of my life and He would be disappointed in me. I thought He would see me and just shake His head. What a LIE, and a deceiving one at that. That part of me is dead. All of the sins, all of the mistakes, all of the missteps, everything that I was enslaved to, was paid for on the cross. God lavishes His Spirit upon me so He no longer sees the dead part of me, but He sees me for who I truly am, ALIVE in Christ. He sees Christ in me, all because of what HE did. Unearned, undeserving, yet fully accepted. I still struggle at times with feeling like I am not good enough. I am not perfect, but God always comes through and provides in abundance to bring me to freedom from these struggles every single time. He has done it before, and He will do it again. I no longer have to live in fear, but I have full confidence that I will stand before God at the end of my life and He won’t shake His head at all of the “not good enough’s” like I used to believe, but instead He will see Christ within me and welcome me home into His arms. Because Jesus is not just “good enough” but He is more than enough.
And guess what? He is calling you too. His grace awaits, His arms are open. He wants to call you His own. His word says so, He says so. I pray that you step into this today, because it is so worth it.
Will you?
Let's chat.
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Scripture References:
Ephesians 2:4-10
But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive in Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages He might show the incomparable riches of His grace, expressed in the kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
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